By Lexa Roséan
For the summer forecast, we will use some Lunfardo (tango slang) to look at your horoscopes.
Feliz Cumpleaños Cancer
In July, Mercury brings some tender words your way and you definitely prefer to communicate through close embrace on the dance floor. August is CALIENTE and you become jealous and possessive over a partner. Do not under any circumstances carry a weapon into the milonga and that includes the Comme Il Faut footwear. No matter how angry you get, do not use TIMBOS or boleos to attack.
Best milonga days: Jul 13/14 Aug 9/10
Feliz Cumpleaños Leo
Consider this summer A PUNTO DE CARAMELO. You can pretty much do as you wish and you will get away with it. Venus, Mercury, and Mars are all showing you off well and the old milonguero Saturn is finally going to be pleased and give you a break. Finances will also improve after the 20th of August.
Best milonga days: Jul 15/16 Aug 11-13
In July you must struggle with the group class and flounder along with the rest but in August you will be able to rely on your intuition and improvisation to brilliantly guide you through the dance. It may seem like DE PEDO or dumb luck but you have really earned these rewards.
Best milonga days: Jul 17-19 Aug 14/15
You and your partner are stars in July but in August, you must learn to stand out on your own in a crowd. This probably means you are going to Bs As and will not be able to sit with your lover. You will want to practice the art of MATUFIA or deception and make the others think you are on your own so you can get the best dances.
Best milonga days: Jul 20-22 Aug 16/17
Your mama is calling and you must go home for a visit. In August, your family obligations will be done and you can focus on yourself. Eat lots of POLENTA and you are sure to find money or a dance partner as good as gold. Your sexual energy is also very strong but you will want to channel this dynamic into your work.
Best milonga days: Jul 22/23 Aug 18-20
At best, you will have incredible good fortune in the real estate market. At least, you will get into the best tango venues for free. August brings some exciting travel and don’t forget to pack your dancing shoes. Your word is RASCAR
meaning a sexy kiss, financial reward, to find what you seek, or to play the guitar badly. All good as long as you stay away from the musical instruments.
Best milonga days: Jul 25/26 Aug 21/22
Dance close embrace in July and find the comfort of the womb. In August expect to have a brush with the tomb. No you are not going to die but it is probably time to bury your ego. Enter the milonga with humility or you will become known as a MAMARRACHO – a Rodney Dangerfield - the one who gets NO RESPECT!
Best milonga days: Jul 1, 27/28 Aug 23-25
Remember the list of no no’s and pay attention to what goes into your BOCA before dancing tango. Avoid garlic, onions (they give you bad breath), cucumbers, radishes (they repeat on you), and pastrami, salami (it comes out in your sweat). You might also rule out asparagus (causes a foul odor in the CHOTA/O (genitals) if you plan to go for a “coffee” after the milonga.
Best milonga days: Jul 2/3, 29-31 Aug 26/27
There are no secrets in the milonga. The walls have ears and the Porteños read lips. You think your July love affair is under wraps but by August, it will be the buzz. JUNAR means to see, to watch, even to spy upon. Everyone will comprehend your goings on. If you are single, the attention will prove to be titillating. If you are married, ay dios mio!
Best milonga days: Jul 4/5 Aug 1/2, 28/29
You are cranky in July and want to spend more time at home in LA CAMA, but August finds you out and about and a CAPO on the social scene. Always charming now that you’ve gotten your rest, but with an edge of milonguero mobster nonetheless.
Best milonga days: Jul 6-8 Aug 3/4, 30/31
You prefer to dance in the bars and restaurants because you like to eat and drink as much as you like to tango. In August you will be blessed with invitations to many ASADOS. The Argentine BBQ improves your estilo and the CHIMICHURRI sauce adds an extra traspie to your milonga steps.
Best milonga days: Jul 9/10 Aug 5/6
July is the month of PLATA for you and when you strike it rich, you will not hesitate to drop some cash on a new wardrobe. Learn this phrase “QUE PINTA!” It will be exclaimed in admiration whenever your elegant self enters into the milonga.
Best milonga days: Jul 11/12 Aug 7/8